Cam’s Blog

A love-hate relationship, that’s what my mom and i always had…

I don’t have a lot of memories of my mom while i was growing up. No memories of her brushing my hair, telling bedtime stories nor baking cookies. Mom wasn’t what exactly what you would call domestic. I was one of those kids with a part-time high-flying career-woman mom and a full-time yaya. My mom’s involvement in my life included attending school programs (just to watch), the weekly Sunday mass and family dinner after wards, the monthly  shopping trips, the yearly family vacation, the required Family Day at school, holidays and birthdays. So during my formative years, i saw my mom as a mother figure, someone who’s present only when absolutely necessary, not as my mommy.

 

There was a time when we didn’t even live in the same house. My brothers and I lived at our supposed house with our yayas while my parents lived in a penthouse near our stores. In fact we only lived together in one house for four years of my life, my high school years. That was when I started to get acquainted with the reality that is Connie. And man, did reality bite! We clashed from day 1.

She started to get to know the spoiled rotten princess that she unknowingly created and I came face to face with the queen mother of all spoiled rotten princesses. The culprit? My dad. He spoiled us both. We were both used to getting what we want when we want it.That, coupled with matching strong personalities and feisty demeanors makes for a very heated, complicated mother-daughter relationship. I couldn’t stand her intrusiveness,her controlling behaviors, her short temper, her uncanny ability to always be the center of attention. She detested my insecurity, my (then) introversion, my (then)baggy clothes(ugh!what was i thinking!), my all-or-nothing attitude. For four years, we lived in mutual dislike of each other. Of course there were good times. When i had my first boyfriend at 15, my mom was the only person who was actually happy that I have fallen in love. everyone else just thought, "She’s gonna get knocked-up." She was always good for things like that.

College was a breather. It was my first shot at independence and a break from my mom’s controlling ways. I remember the summer before i went off to college. My mom was a nervous wreck about me living so far from home. She was afraid i wouldn’t be able to take care of myself. So, that whole summer, she crammed 16 years worth of things-I-should-have-taught-my-daughter-while-she-was-growing-up-but-didn’t-because-I’m-so-goddamn-busy into my head.

Funny things. "Forget the pepper spray, go for the nuts then run and scream like crazy."
Practical things."When you go out, always split your money, half in your bag and half in your pocket. Or your bra."
Things that I thought were so stupid but turned out to be true after all. "Beware of the guy who seems to be too perfect."

On my very first night at the dorm, guess who i missed the most. Yup. Her.The next day she admitted she missed me a lot more than she expected. And so we began texting. I mean really texting, not just the "where u?" kind of texting. We talked about everything–politics, gossip, religion, shopping, dating– everything. The beauty of being a thousand miles away from my mom is that i got to know her without the pains of actually living with her getting in the way. Mom, for me, is a lot like marijuana, good only in small, controlled doses. And that small dose is more than enough to amp you. OD-ing on her can kill you. (LOL) I got to know her as a wife, as a woman, as a real person. Surprisingly, I liked what i got to know.
Connie is an intelligent, strong-willed, independent woman who makes things happen.

The thing that really cemented our bond was our common love for designer handbags. Rustan’s Bag Department or any handbag shop is like a ceasefire area. No fighting in front of the sacred merchandise. Mom is the best person in the world to shop with.

Me:This is cute.(holds up purse)
Mom:That is cute. Get it!
Me:no.PPP for this,no way!Way too expensive!
mom:What did you get on your last test?This is your reward.
me:are you sure?
mom:Absolutely. I want one too.

Told ya.

So, after 16 years of being her begrudging daughter, I became her friend. We went through my first heartbreak and her struggle with being a high-profile man’s wife. She bolstered my self-confidence during those times when academic competition got the better of me. I listened to her apprehensions about our business.We are now going through my career crisis coupled with a third heartbreak and her perimenopause.(God, she’ll kill me for mentioning that.LOL).

She is my rock. My solace. The glue that keeps me together when others break me apart.

When i was 13, my arguments with my mom would always begin or end with,"What’s your problem? I don’t get you at all". Even after we got really close, we still are polar opposites. To quote one of my favorite songs, "We have our rules in different ways. We play the games of different folks with different strokes…" But now, I look in the mirror and i see a strong-willed, opinionated, independent woman, very much like the woman i used to detest so much. After 21 years of being my mother’s daughter, I think i finally get it.

                                 

Happy Mother’s Day Mom. You’re a rockstar!

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 12th, 2007 at 10:32 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.